did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have demons in me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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