Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
