You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
