if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The air was thick with penises
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
