My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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