Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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