He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found a bag of teeth...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
