he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
