He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
