What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
