i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
