just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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