Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
