You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
