OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Shame - the story of my life.
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