its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
