Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
