when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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