I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
