Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
