what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
