I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
