Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
