Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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