I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
