Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
