Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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