Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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