Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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