Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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