Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did i walk over a car last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
