idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
