hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
