Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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