oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
