i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
