it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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