Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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