the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
