i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
