It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
