Who did Billy Mays play for?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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