JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
