They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
