just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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