you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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