My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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