Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
