I wish I only lived at night.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
