it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
