It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
