Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
