Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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