I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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