So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
