I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
