I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
