I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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